Trust Us

A Pic of a HSBC Tower
It Was Them, Not Us

In a joint statement from members of the Global Alliance for Virtuous Banking (GAVBank), account holders everywhere are being assured that “banks are good”.  The statement was issued in response to recent revelations that HSBC had allegedly acted as the conduit for a paltry €180Bn of tax dodges, drug money, blood diamonds and bankrolling of terrorists.

The statement informs banking customers that:

There is no need for concern.  Your money is totally safe with us, and is in no way used to fund or support illegal or unsavoury activities anywhere.  That’s what Bitcoin is for.  You should really stay away from Bitcoin.

Further, we would like to remind our customers that banks are good.  This is a well-established fact.

It is unfortunate that one of our member banks, namely, allegedly, HSBC, has deviated from the core principles of banking in such a public manner.  They have made us all look a little bit bad, and this is regrettable.

Rest assured, they will be punished with a relatively minuscule fine and suspension of biscuit privileges at the next board meeting.

Further, bank customers are being advised that, given the present economic environment, they should keep all of their cash in their bank accounts at all times, and withdraw only what is necessary for the next half-hour, just in case the financial system collapses without warning and leaves the banks looking “foolish and empty”.

Yours,

Wick Burner

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10 thoughts on “Trust Us

  1. Banks profit from success and failure. When we say a bank is too big to fail, this means that the bank controls the system. Why did we have to pump trillions of dollars into the banking system first? Why not drop taxes for everyone to stimulate the recovery? The answer was because the banks set policy and then profit from it. They are the hidden hand in the economy, those grey faced, sociopathic swines.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Agreed! The ‘stimulus’ option was applied here in Australia during the GFC, and we came through it mostly unscathed, and with a AAA national credit rating. Now the ‘conservative adults’ are in charge, and they’ve tripled the national debt, while crying about the debt left to them, and slashing social spending and simultaneously protecting the big end of town (bankers and miners and energy co’s) from the heinous responsibility of paying their taxes.
      I like the Icelandic model – there is no such thing as too big too fail, and so if you fail, you go to jail…

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Nationalise them. And all public utilities. And set up a national food supplier to rival the majors. All public goods should be under public ownership. Including money. And healthcare.

    Liked by 1 person

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