Redneck Holy Grail

a mouse with a human ear
Stupid People Do Not Need Extra Ears

Geneticists have declared Australia is the ‘Holy Grail’ for selective genetic technology that might actually prove useful, in a report issued by the illustrious, but otherwise useless, medical journal Genetics ‘r Us.

Struggling for many years to find an application for genetic technology that serves more purpose than growing a human ear on the back of a mouse, or pumping out clones of a stupid sheep, the international geneticist fraternity/sorority has decided to apply their splicing skills to locating and removing the gene that makes many people stupid.

In pursuit of this lofty aim, geneticists have decided to focus their research on the white Australian male subspecies, where there is an apparently internationally-embarrassing oversupply of the stupidity gene.

“We found that in Australia, you only need to grab the nearest guy and there’s a 90% chance that you’ve bagged yourself a stupid redneck idiot.”, Professor Brains O’Gravy said, in the Genetics ‘r Us report.

Based on this abundance of stupid, the projected low costs for the research program are very attractive for overseas scientist-types seeking to eliminate stupid from the human genome.

O’Gravy went on to explain that recent political and social examples of stupid in Australia were compelling encouragement to pursue the urgent elimination of stupid from humanity “within three generations, or we’re all fucked.  We could actually do something important and worthwhile here.  Maybe even save humanity from itself.”


Yours, saturated with genetic material,

Wick Burner

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4 thoughts on “Redneck Holy Grail

  1. Well Wick Burner, Tubularsock doesn’t really want to rain on your parade of stupid but I’m afraid when it comes to the Olympiad of Stupid the United State would for sure take the title. Now really it isn’t Tubularsock’s patriotic fervor speaking. No, it is a clear known fact.

    Tubularsock will not argue with you in terms that there aren’t plenty of stupid in Australia but pound for pound Tubularsock feels you’ll come up short when compared with the U.S.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. There are levels of stupid, and I think our brand of stupid has some degree of ‘special’ about it. But that might be my patriotic fervor bubbling over and getting me all excited… 😉

      Liked by 2 people

  2. I think it would be fair to conclude that the stupid gene is pervasive in our planetary gene pool. Granted, there are eddies and backwater sloughs where the stupid seems to gravitate with examples being anywhere Tony Abbot is wont to tread, densely packed pockets of stupid inside the Beltway Babylon, and Texarkana.
    The stupid gene MUST be eradicated from the human condition or, we are all in a world of hurt. With the scientific conclusion being, you can’t fix stupid.

    Liked by 3 people

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